Where do I even begin.
With so much happening right now its hard to even stop for a breather.
Words here can only express so much.. and what is said here is interpreted differently by individuals each with their own mental perception of how they wish to perceive my values, my thoughts, my interest and my pain. No one but myself can digest what I really feel. The agony of digesting the feeling alone is too much for one such as myself to shoulder alone hence I decided to jot down and maybe when I read through again one day I am able to advise myself.
Funny how people can come up with an abdundance thoughts, ideas and suggestions when people around them seek some comforting. How can one actually enlighten another when he/she/they cant even digest or conclude his/her/their own issues and based on his/her/their sorry record of bad relationships how can he/she/they be even the least bit credential to even cough a remark.
I am not talking gibberish but this is based only on my personal view and in my perspective and because I feel the people around you can talk and make comparisons but based on what characteritics that his/her/their relationship is comparable when he/she/they do not know half the story or what both parties has gone through.
It is a subjective norm for us individuals to weight negativity heavier than positivity. If youre not getting my point what I am trying to say is there can be 100 positive remarks but a mere 10 negative remarks could pull/ change the whole outcome of perception. Now hows what even fair in this context on relationship? Is it right to just keep arguing and narrowing in on the little fault when the offset of 90 positivity means nothing? This I find hard to comprehend but then again this is my take.
How is it he/she/they dare to even touch on a topic they never been through or build a foundation as strong. I dare challenge them to find someone who could apologise with sincerity constantly, go through a daily life of selfless act putting everyone she knows before her, family, friends, colleagues, being accomodating, forgiving, tolerating, and never haboured ill intentions to anyone, never stay angry for long, easily contented, loyal and faithful all at the same time and in return only ask for the return of love, care and quality time to smile together. I challenge you guys until you can find one who loves unconditionally like the above mentioned then maybe you can throw your wretched daggers at me. I am not oblivious but I merely choose to be ignorant because why should I anger myself and torment myself and be the one in pain while you people are hapily making merry outside thinking you have made an achievement and can now say ‘WELCOME TO THE CLUB BRO’.
In anycase I never blamed any of you with you aiming poison darts at your own friend while on the other hand throwing daggers at me, infact this has made me open my eyes and realise how sad and lonely one can be to stoop to this level, yes keep telling yourself that you only want whats best for your good friend. Well I could be wrong but in my perspective wanting whats best is helping to make things work not destroy for others what you cant have.
That aside I’d like to say though its wrong to blame others for the inability to maintain a trust given, I’d digest it because I foolishly tell myself not many honorable people out there can swallow their esteem and accept the wrong deed and I’d take one for you because I am just that foolish or maybe I am not very affected in anger but merely sorry that what simple trust was given could not be appreciated and you chose to return in another form. Pity pity.
Despite the daggers or stones you cast at me I bear no grudges, Im no saint but again I choose to be ignorant because I believe what we have built is stronger than you think and it’ll prevail.
Last but not least,
No one knows the whole dealio like I do so maybe you might want to keep your negativity to yourself els you’ll just make a fool out of yourselves, trying too hard to ruin something you never had. Not very mature now is it but I assure you all in my eyes youre still as equal as the world of strangers are. I dont expect the same in return but maybe just keep your daggers.
Probly my sadest and longest post till date.
