How am I even digesting this everyday, how am I even living with myself putting up tolerating verbal abuses day in day out and why when I type everything out it seems like im suffering ever painfully and only to conclude I am but a fool but I still want a part of this misery.
Everything used to be incredibly bright and positive, scarily but even fairytale like but I guess it was the greatest moments while it lasted but I cant put any of those feelings into words because words cannot justify any of it.
Why does everything has to be like this now all cold and miserable. What have I done to deserve this pain or is it that I have not done enough to deserve anymore of? I dont expect to get back the love and understanding I give but a mere faction suffice but even that now seemed so far away from possible.
Did everything I do/give up meaningless, was I not being the most self less person putting others feelings above mine especially his, was I foolish was I so fucking stupid? But again and again I tell myself he loved me els this 6 years wouldnt have been such a joy.
As much as I do not want to much negativity in my life I am but crying so fucking hard inside being ripped and stabbed profusely but for what cause I allow this? FOR WHAT AMANTA WHAT PART OF YOU DESERVE THIS! WHY CANT YOU JUST FUCKING LET GO. WHY AMANTA WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
I CAN ONLY SCREAM TO MYSELF WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AMANTAAAA and just continue to cry inside in hope for better days for us unless God forbids.
